Merge like a zipper people!

Hi, my name is JR and I am a road rageaholic. I have not yelled at someone since...well, since my drive over to this meeting. I cannot seem to go anywhere without encountering the most idiotic drivers. And it truly angers me. It seems that my car triggers my emotional rage, something I have never come to experience outside the confinement of my car. I am not sure what kind of power this space has over me, but it seems inevitable that I strap on a whole different attitude when the seat belt clicks. Turn that heater up to hot, just like my road rage. I am not afraid to yell at you for going too slow. I will get on your ass if you cut me off or try to stick your big ol boat where it does not belong. I have no problem raising my hands in disgust or hitting the wheel in frustration...but chances are you won't see the middle finger from me (unless I know you're out of sight, truly deserved it, and there's no one else around who might accidentally take offense and shoot me). You will, however, get the staredown as I blow by you, but only if I deem that you're being an idiot. And chances are if you're doing any of the above mentioned things, then you were driving like an idiot and deserve it.

I've simply had it with people on the road. I am so sick of the incessant stop and go that is the result of NOTHING at all! I couldn't imagine being in a bigger city than this and grappling with the daily traffic horrors. Just this week a man narrowly escaped the grip of death when a semi lost control and smashed the bed of his truck after some IDIOT slowed for seemingly no reason. Seriously, they caught it on tape. While most of the people around me were praising the Lord for the miracle that no one was injured (now I'm not heartless, I was undoubtedly relieved for everyone's safety), I was angrily cussing out the vehicle that appeared to be at the root of this accident...the dummy who stopped in the middle lane for no reason. Or if there was a reason for him to stop, he didn't bother going again in any sensible amount of time. Now I'm not saying the truck driver was not to blame...he is definitely at fault and should be punished...however I believe that this (and most of the interstate accidents) can be avoided if people would quit being idiots when driving...and merge like a zipper.

Yep, you heard me. My parents were in New Zealand a few years back and said there were signs on the road that instructed people to merge one at a time. One car already on the road, one entering, one on the road, and so on and so forth. Such an easy concept. They said traffic was not an issue there and attributed it to the intelligence of the drivers...and the zipper sign. Of course I've seen it a million times where the only lane that is backed up is the lane where drivers merge from the ramp. And it never fails that I'm in that lane because I need to exit soon, so it's not like I can even go around this mess. I swear only the dumbest drivers are out when I am heading to and from work. Today one genius decided to cut all the way across 4 lanes of traffic to make her exit. Not smart considering the space between my car and the next was not large enough until I hit the brakes. I just don't understand people when they drive! Do they suddenly lose all common sense? I mean I understand defensive driving and am constantly on my toes, but why do people stop for no reason or brake when they are 8 miles away from the next car? And what is with the 10-mile-per-hour-below-the-speed-limit nonsense that way too many people seem to adopt? And for those of you who like to drive slow in the left lane...MOVE! Didn't you learn in driver's ed that the left lane is for passing at higher speeds?!?! Oh, and for the jerk who decides to drive all the way up the merge lane when I so graciously provided you with an opening...I hope your tires suddenly go flat.

Seriously, where do these people come from!? Do they morph into brainless saps just as I morph into a rageaholic? I swear I am not this person anywhere else but in my car, and primarily when I am alone. And I actually am a good driver with no accidents or tickets to my name. I just happen to be set off by people on the road. In my ideal world, cars would be controlled by some great system where you could just punch in your destination and kick back and let the rest be automated. No more bad decisions. No more idiots. Just like the smooth flow of traffic signals, so too would traffic flow. For now I guess I'll just have to transfer my desire for control and automation to my Sims game. Sigh. So I guess I'll just have to deal with life on the road, one idiot at a time.