Confessions from a fat girl...

So I feel a little, well, guilty for posting this after the last one because my last post was so meaningful and this one is just me venting, but I guess you get the good with the bad in life, so here goes. This fat girl joined Weight Watchers. Yay me. No need for cheers or congratulations, it's way overdue and I ask that you hold your praise until I actually lose some weight. We'll see how things go over the next 17 weeks, but I have eventual (potentially lofty) goals that will hopefully be accomplished after my more realistic ambitions are met. I'm sure I'll blog about my journey along the way, but today, I have one weight related topic on my mind that has bothered me for awhile now...

You know, I think I'm a pretty nice person. I think other people think that too. I try to do the right thing, have a good job, and am very loving and generous. I think I have a few decent things going for me. Yet recently something I've noticed over the past few years has begun to bother me...I'm never the object of a matchmaking. Now I know this sounds silly, but I really noticed it this weekend. Our good friends (in their 30s) took their kids, myself (27), a mutual friend (19), and my brother (25) out to ski (or watch in my case). Somehow the adults started talking about a guy friend of the couple's and how nice he is, what a good job he has, and how he's got a decent amount of money to boot. Instantly they talk about matching him up with the 19 year old, who lives out of the state and is in college. They then say that they'd never do that to her because of the age difference (Mr. Wonderful is 32) and say that they'll just have to keep looking for Mr. W. Ummm, hello? If Mr. Wonderful is just that, what about me over here? I'm much closer to his age and if age seemed to be the big deal breaker, then I might be a better match. For the first time, it hit me that this fat girl is always the last one chosen for dodge ball teams. Or matchmaking in this case.

In the past during holiday gatherings with my parents' friends, I'd hear someone talking about a nice nephew they have or a friend's son they know and how they'd love to set someone up with him. A few girls' names would be thrown out and then everyone would chat about how or why they would or would not be a good match. One year I started paying attention to who was being "offered up" to these seemingly good catches. Do you know what I discovered? Out of the families who took part in the gatherings, every other grown child was brought up as a "match". Guess who was never mentioned, not once? That's right, this fat girl over here. Not only was I never chosen, but the other girls were mentioned time and time again, even the ones who were not single. Sigh.

Now here's the thing...I'm not 100% sure that this has anything to do with my weight, but to me that seems to be the main difference. My parents' friends have thin, attractive daughters who are kind, funny, and intelligent, as is our friend from the boat this weekend. I'd like to think that I am up to par with them in the last 3 qualities (along with many others). So it seems to me that people just never think of the fat girl. And that's OK, I'm not on a mission to change the world. Nor am I writing this post to get pity or have an influx of matchmaking offers, rather my intention is this: don't judge a book by it's cover. You may preach that to your children or believe it to be true, but live it. Just once throw out the fat girl's name when she's around. Sometimes we all need a little injection of self esteem and there's nothing more flattering than for someone to say "You know what? I think you'd be a great match for so-and-so!" I truly could care less if you mean it or not because goodness knows none of these matches ever really come to fruition. However, the simple fact that it even crossed your mind is a personal victory and enough for me to relish for sometime. A part of me knows that this post is manifested from my own insecurities about my weight, but I am anxious to test this theory out when I actually lose some weight. I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to report that my theory was wrong and that it was all in my head, but until then, do me a favor and remember the fat girl every now and then. You'll never know what it means to her :)