So that's where my willpower was hiding...

All these years, I've convinced myself that I had no willpower. I was drawn to food and thoroughly enjoyed every last morsel. And that's why I was overweight. It had nothing to do with the fact that I rarely exercised, little to do with the fact that I ate lots of crap, little to do with the fact that I had no self-control and was utterly indulgent. Nope, I simply liked food. As I struggled to squeeze myself into jeans that were tighter and tighter every year, I rationalized that the other genes were to blame. Big boned. Thick.

I'm here to tell you that the new me thinks that's crap.

After 7 weeks on WW, I have come to this realization: I've found the willpower I'd convinced myself I didn't have. It's been there all along too, I was just too blinded to see the truth. For years and years, I accepted the fact that I was big, and slowly but surely I just got bigger. I never believed that I could ever change that fact, nor did I have the desire or energy to do so. I was seemingly ok with this fact. But not too long ago, something changed. I was inspired. I found a challenge and latched on. I can't put my finger on exactly what initiated this desire to change, but it came from a very real and honest place. I knew I had to do this for me, not for anyone else. Because truth is I'm worth it. So little by little, I began to revamp my life. My life doesn't center around food anymore. I'm not eating something unhealthy simply because it's convenient. My diet is balanced and I discovered that I do, in fact, have willpower! Who knew? Best of all, I'm doing it the right way. I may be losing a little quicker than they recommend, but after 7 weeks I've kept it off and continued to lose. Now I know this is going to be a lifelong battle, but I think I can handle it. Scratch that, I know I can handle it. And I'm excited. Finally.

With this excitement and challenge comes fear. Fear lurks in the shadows of my bathroom scale. It hides under trays in the cafeteria at work. It sits shotgun during a trip in the car as I pass by hundreds of tempting options. I fear that I won't be able to keep it off. I hope for this to be a long term solution, not just a temporary jubilation. I fear that the other shoe is going to drop. I fear that I've done damage to my body that I'll never be able to fix. But I've also learned that I can't focus on those fears or I'll never succeed. As a friend told me tonight, don't focus on the past or you'll never get anywhere in the future. I regret that I didn't do this sooner, but thank God I've done it at all. Because as long as I take a new breath each day, I have a fresh start, a chance to make it happen. So each day I face this challenge head on and I am conquering, one victory at a time. Five pounds, gone. Ten pounds, see ya later. 5% of my weight, vanished. 15 pounds, where'd you go? I am proud to say that after 7 weeks, I've lost 16.4 pounds and it feels good! Better yet, it feels great! I have a long way to go, but knowing that I am almost halfway to my first goal of 35 pounds and have done so ahead of schedule, I can't help but feel proud of what I've accomplished. And although I've been slow to truly recognize and acknowledge my accomplishment, I am proud of myself. And what could be better than that?