So that's where my willpower was hiding...

All these years, I've convinced myself that I had no willpower. I was drawn to food and thoroughly enjoyed every last morsel. And that's why I was overweight. It had nothing to do with the fact that I rarely exercised, little to do with the fact that I ate lots of crap, little to do with the fact that I had no self-control and was utterly indulgent. Nope, I simply liked food. As I struggled to squeeze myself into jeans that were tighter and tighter every year, I rationalized that the other genes were to blame. Big boned. Thick.

I'm here to tell you that the new me thinks that's crap.

After 7 weeks on WW, I have come to this realization: I've found the willpower I'd convinced myself I didn't have. It's been there all along too, I was just too blinded to see the truth. For years and years, I accepted the fact that I was big, and slowly but surely I just got bigger. I never believed that I could ever change that fact, nor did I have the desire or energy to do so. I was seemingly ok with this fact. But not too long ago, something changed. I was inspired. I found a challenge and latched on. I can't put my finger on exactly what initiated this desire to change, but it came from a very real and honest place. I knew I had to do this for me, not for anyone else. Because truth is I'm worth it. So little by little, I began to revamp my life. My life doesn't center around food anymore. I'm not eating something unhealthy simply because it's convenient. My diet is balanced and I discovered that I do, in fact, have willpower! Who knew? Best of all, I'm doing it the right way. I may be losing a little quicker than they recommend, but after 7 weeks I've kept it off and continued to lose. Now I know this is going to be a lifelong battle, but I think I can handle it. Scratch that, I know I can handle it. And I'm excited. Finally.

With this excitement and challenge comes fear. Fear lurks in the shadows of my bathroom scale. It hides under trays in the cafeteria at work. It sits shotgun during a trip in the car as I pass by hundreds of tempting options. I fear that I won't be able to keep it off. I hope for this to be a long term solution, not just a temporary jubilation. I fear that the other shoe is going to drop. I fear that I've done damage to my body that I'll never be able to fix. But I've also learned that I can't focus on those fears or I'll never succeed. As a friend told me tonight, don't focus on the past or you'll never get anywhere in the future. I regret that I didn't do this sooner, but thank God I've done it at all. Because as long as I take a new breath each day, I have a fresh start, a chance to make it happen. So each day I face this challenge head on and I am conquering, one victory at a time. Five pounds, gone. Ten pounds, see ya later. 5% of my weight, vanished. 15 pounds, where'd you go? I am proud to say that after 7 weeks, I've lost 16.4 pounds and it feels good! Better yet, it feels great! I have a long way to go, but knowing that I am almost halfway to my first goal of 35 pounds and have done so ahead of schedule, I can't help but feel proud of what I've accomplished. And although I've been slow to truly recognize and acknowledge my accomplishment, I am proud of myself. And what could be better than that?

Eh

Eh, I'm feeling kind of blah right now. I don't really have much to say, but figured I'd blog quick before bed. Boy is it calling my name! Quick recap of my life lately: uber busy, late nights, early mornings, too much driving, healthy eating, exercise, little sleep, and a 13 pound weight loss in 6 weeks. Wednesday's weigh in could prove to be the next big achievement. Admit it was really nice to get some compliments this weekend about how noticeable the weight loss is already. I truthfully wasn't expecting it for many more weeks, so that's just added motivation to keep going. I have the heatly eating down for the most part, but I still have to step up the exercise. I am just not one of those people who finds any joy or exhiliration or endorphines in exercising. I dread it and do not feel like a million bucks afterwards, but I'm hoping that will come in time. Until then, it's back to Core Camp tomorrow and a sore body this week. Spent Saturday at Urgent Care with Grammy. She's fine. Sure she's going to outlive us all. Disappointed that my neighbors were fairly rude and standoffish. Home is calling my name again these next two weekends...SharonFest 2009 must be planned after all. Emotional rollercoaster with a couple people in my life. Trying to figure out where to go from here, if anywhere. I can't help but love him. Feeling the strong desire to start a family. Looking foward to a summer/fall of roadtrips. Chopped my hair. Off to bed. Loving you all for who you are, just the way you are. You are my rocks. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Honest to blog.

Facebook rules the world

I've come to the conclusion that Facebook owns all. How else would I know that so-and-so just got married? Or that some one's son just took his first poop in the toilet. And I had no idea my world was incomplete without flair. This weekend took Facebook to a whole new extreme when I actually found out about a friend's death via Facebook. He died on Saturday and by Sunday night a memorial page had already been set up for him. Worst part was that Monday morning I had to call a friend - who, mind you, was much closer to our friend than I was - to give her the tragic news. That's right, through a random coincidence, I stumbled across the news of a friend's passing before many who were closer to him even knew. I'm not really sure how I feel about this new revolution. On one hand, it's exhilarating to see the new depths technology can take us. On the hand, we've become so overrun with technology that we've lost touch with reality. We are a Tweeting, status-updating, privacy-lacking, invasion-ridden people who would feel lost and disconnected without our mobile devices. When did we lose touch with reality? When did we forget how to pick up the phone to share good or bad news? Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely guilty of partaking in said social pitfalls, but I found myself pondering the significance of it all after this weekend. Where in the grief process falls social networking? Is it after denial and just before acceptance? At what point do you run to your mobile device to share your grief with the world, with people you've potentially never met? I never expected to realize what a major impact social networking now holds in our lives. It makes me yearn for the days of yesteryear, when a handwritten letter was sentimental. Now it's become obsolete. Why take the time to hand write when you can casually dictate your thoughts to a tiny device that sits behind your ear while cruising through the Starbucks drive thru on your way to a tweetup? Let's face it...Facebook rules the world.

In other news, my Wonderful Wednesday tribute this week goes out to my friends. There are far too many to list here, but some of the most significant people I know are my friends. K has always been my sounding board, the person I can talk to about absolutely anything. JP is one of my oldest friends and she and I have been through each other's ups and downs and come out stronger friends because of it all. She's a true friend, through and through. B was the first friend I made when I moved in high school and she is the major reason I had such a successful transition. L is my partner in crime and always supports me in my endeavors. J keeps things real and cracks me up...it's always a blast hanging with her! E tells it as it is and makes me look at things in a different light. Life is more adventurous with her around! N and K are road warriors and come up with the best inside jokes. They are my soul sistas...LYB! These are just a few of the wonderful people I've been blessed to encounter in my life. There are so many other people who bring a different fulfillment to various aspects of my life but I have only so much time and space to list them. Just know that you are all appreciated and loved!

And how did my weight loss go this week? Well, since you asked ;) I lost another 2.4 pounds this week...cha-ching! 11.4 pounds total in 5 weeks equals my second star. For the first time in my life, I am excited and energized and am holding myself accountable. Plus my pants don't fit anymore, so today was the first day that I felt a noticeable difference. I'm in it to win it, lol! Here are a few shots from last weekend...had a great time with the kids, but definitely needed the week to recover, haha! Love these guys!!! Well kids, enjoy the rest of your week and make the most of every day! Peace out girl scouts!!!

Ever wonder what a pony feels like shortly after being born?

You know that feeling where your legs just shake and you can barely wobble from one spot to the next? That was me on Tuesday after my first Core Camp session...like a pony shortly after birth. The class kicked my butt and on top of that, I decided to bike 3.5 miles. It was awesome. Until my calves cramped, my thighs were screaming at me, and my abs felt as if they'd burst. But, despite the pain, I am pleasantly surprised to say that I lost another 2.4 pounds, bringing my 4 week total to 9 pounds! Being a holiday weekend and all, this was a major accomplishment and I am surprisingly amped to get in shape! I'm a recognition, results person. I need to see the numbers, see the proof to really get into it. And having people who will hold me accountable is a huge plus. Besides, I'm competitive and want to be the first one in my group to hit my milestones! I was the first of the newbies to hit 5 pounds and I plan to be the first to pass 10 pounds next week! It's great to see people who have been doing the program for awhile succeed. One woman who started the last session has lost 40 pounds and another just hit 25. I'm hoping to join their ranks. Scratch that, I'm planning to join them. And I'm hoping to get to the point where my weight loss is noticeable, but I know I have a ways to go before that happens. 9 pounds is a big deal (as one of my co-workers proudly reminded me today), but I have a lot more weight to lose, so right now it is what it is. But for once in my life, I know that I can do this. It's time to shed the fat girl image and introduce a new me. I, for one, can't wait to meet her!

So since all I seem to talk about lately is weight loss, I will try to add some spice and variety into my postings from now on. So I'd like to introduce my first Wonderful Wednesday post. I've decided that every Wednesday after weigh in, I will write about someone or something wonderful in my life. I have an abundance of wonderful things and people, so there should be plenty of !


The first Wonderful Wednesday award goes to my mom. She is my best friend, my inspiration, my rock. She's learned how to encourage and support me in my endeavors and loves me despite my shortcomings. She's fun, incredibly intelligent, loving, and talented. If I can be half the person and mother she is, then I will feel like a success. She's sacrificed a lot for our family and I hope that she knows how much we appreciate her!

This summer is going to fly! I have potentially 1 free weekend between now and the end of August and I'm exhausted just thinking about it! Should be a fun summer though...I hope to post lots of pictures of my adventures! Here was one of my last favorite memories...the week Ky came out for the Twins Brewers series! Until the next time, peace out girl scouts!!!

Progress!

So this week I finally saw some progress again after a sluggish weigh in last week. Down another 1.6 pounds, bringing me closer to my first goal. I'm guessing that I'll hit that goal in the next 3 weeks, so we'll see what happens!

In the spirit of good numbers on the scale, I signed up for a Core Camp at work. Tuesdays at 5:25 PM I will be found in the gym at work. For $15, I figure it's a good thing to try for the next 12 weeks. I'm planning to be plenty sore but here goes nothing!

I'm soooo looking forward to going home on Thursday...on that note I need to pack, so I'm going to keep this brief. Hope you have a happy and safe Fourth of July!

Week 2 Results (a little late)

Well, Week 2 has come and gone and Week 3 is halfway in the bag! My results were disappointing as I only lost 1/2 pound, but I earned my first star for losing my first 5 pounds, so that was an achievement. I talked to my leader and realized that I was so obsessed with eating healthier that I was not hitting my Points each day, which ultimately worked against me. The Points system is designed to help my metabolism build, but by not eating or not getting the proper nutrients, I was doing more harm than good. Plus she said my body is just getting adjusted from the big loss the first week. So, this week I've gotten my eating habits more aligned with my Points and I've been walking a lot, so hopefully I'll see some more results!

In other news, my busy summer is just ramping up. I had my little guy Ethan this weekend, which was fun! He is just too cute and so smily!

Last week my good friend Boo Boo came up for the week and we hit not one, not two, but three Brewer games...HOT games at that (and I'm not talking about the action on the field)! Yes, that officially doubles the number of games I've EVER attended before that, haha! At least the Crew stole one game in the series. Can't say I'll be rushing back for another game anytime soon! Good news is that we mastered the route to the game....no way around the cemetary yet...

Had a nice time down at J's for her housewarming today, just wished we could have stayed longer, but we're planning another weekend there soon so we can hit up Ikea and Portillos! Lisa is always a good partner in crime and she has become a truly great friend.

Big event Tuesday night, but I can't reveal many of the details yet. Just know that it involves a major movie premiere and some celebrities. I am the paparazzi, so hopefully I'll have some pictures to share!

In case I don't post before I leave for home for the 4th of July, enjoy the holiday...and be careful with those fireworks! PS - if you're looking for a handy way to prevent burning yourself on those ever-popular sparklers, stick them in a can of Play Doh before lighting. Thanks Real Simple magazine!

Merge like a zipper people!

Hi, my name is JR and I am a road rageaholic. I have not yelled at someone since...well, since my drive over to this meeting. I cannot seem to go anywhere without encountering the most idiotic drivers. And it truly angers me. It seems that my car triggers my emotional rage, something I have never come to experience outside the confinement of my car. I am not sure what kind of power this space has over me, but it seems inevitable that I strap on a whole different attitude when the seat belt clicks. Turn that heater up to hot, just like my road rage. I am not afraid to yell at you for going too slow. I will get on your ass if you cut me off or try to stick your big ol boat where it does not belong. I have no problem raising my hands in disgust or hitting the wheel in frustration...but chances are you won't see the middle finger from me (unless I know you're out of sight, truly deserved it, and there's no one else around who might accidentally take offense and shoot me). You will, however, get the staredown as I blow by you, but only if I deem that you're being an idiot. And chances are if you're doing any of the above mentioned things, then you were driving like an idiot and deserve it.

I've simply had it with people on the road. I am so sick of the incessant stop and go that is the result of NOTHING at all! I couldn't imagine being in a bigger city than this and grappling with the daily traffic horrors. Just this week a man narrowly escaped the grip of death when a semi lost control and smashed the bed of his truck after some IDIOT slowed for seemingly no reason. Seriously, they caught it on tape. While most of the people around me were praising the Lord for the miracle that no one was injured (now I'm not heartless, I was undoubtedly relieved for everyone's safety), I was angrily cussing out the vehicle that appeared to be at the root of this accident...the dummy who stopped in the middle lane for no reason. Or if there was a reason for him to stop, he didn't bother going again in any sensible amount of time. Now I'm not saying the truck driver was not to blame...he is definitely at fault and should be punished...however I believe that this (and most of the interstate accidents) can be avoided if people would quit being idiots when driving...and merge like a zipper.

Yep, you heard me. My parents were in New Zealand a few years back and said there were signs on the road that instructed people to merge one at a time. One car already on the road, one entering, one on the road, and so on and so forth. Such an easy concept. They said traffic was not an issue there and attributed it to the intelligence of the drivers...and the zipper sign. Of course I've seen it a million times where the only lane that is backed up is the lane where drivers merge from the ramp. And it never fails that I'm in that lane because I need to exit soon, so it's not like I can even go around this mess. I swear only the dumbest drivers are out when I am heading to and from work. Today one genius decided to cut all the way across 4 lanes of traffic to make her exit. Not smart considering the space between my car and the next was not large enough until I hit the brakes. I just don't understand people when they drive! Do they suddenly lose all common sense? I mean I understand defensive driving and am constantly on my toes, but why do people stop for no reason or brake when they are 8 miles away from the next car? And what is with the 10-mile-per-hour-below-the-speed-limit nonsense that way too many people seem to adopt? And for those of you who like to drive slow in the left lane...MOVE! Didn't you learn in driver's ed that the left lane is for passing at higher speeds?!?! Oh, and for the jerk who decides to drive all the way up the merge lane when I so graciously provided you with an opening...I hope your tires suddenly go flat.

Seriously, where do these people come from!? Do they morph into brainless saps just as I morph into a rageaholic? I swear I am not this person anywhere else but in my car, and primarily when I am alone. And I actually am a good driver with no accidents or tickets to my name. I just happen to be set off by people on the road. In my ideal world, cars would be controlled by some great system where you could just punch in your destination and kick back and let the rest be automated. No more bad decisions. No more idiots. Just like the smooth flow of traffic signals, so too would traffic flow. For now I guess I'll just have to transfer my desire for control and automation to my Sims game. Sigh. So I guess I'll just have to deal with life on the road, one idiot at a time.