Reality check

I had this idea.
A bucket list.
30 by 30?
Seems like a fun idea to me!

Day 1.
Made great choices all day.
No soda, healthy salad for dinner.
Kickboxing class for the first time.
Ever.
I was athletic.
How hard can it be?

Tour begins.
People stroll in.
Shoes come off.
We patiently wait for the advanced class to end.
I nervously look around to see who else is ready to look like a fool.
Oh good, I'm not alone.

Instructor: Ok let's warm up.
My head: Perfect, I could use a little stretch...
Instructor: Start running around the gym.
My head: EXCUSE ME? YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?!?!?
Do you know how long it's been since this ass moved for anything more than another handful of chips?
Crap.
What have I gotten myself into?

Side steps.
Weaving in and out of the bags.
Trying not to play bumper bellies as we dodge each other.
Narrowly avoiding disaster.
Leg lifts.
1 armed side pushups.
This is just the warm up?
Crap.
I'm gonna die.

JRae, meet bag.
Bag, meet JRae.
Sparring commences.
Instructor: You have nice form.
You're not exactly petite, am I right?
Me: I most certainly am not!
Instructor: Well you don't carry yourself like a bigger person.
Me: Um. Thanks.
I think?

Grabbed a spot in the back.
Ledge keeps me upright at times.
Haven't relied upon something that much since I was in the wheelchair.
Wheelchair.
How could I forget?
That's why I'm doing this.

Reality check.
This is gonna suck.
I'm going to hurt.
I let myself get to this point.
Question is: how do I get myself out?

1 jab at a time.
1 less soda.
1 healthy choice at a time.
1 less sweet treat.
1 step at a time.

Reality check.
Bob.
Gulp.
This was supposed to be a walk in the park compared to The Ranch.
2 minutes in and I am sweating like a cold drink on a hot summer day.
What am I getting myself into?

Don't know...but I sure want to find out.

Bring.
It.
On.

30 by 30

Bring it on 30. With 6 months until my 30th birthday, I thought it was time to debut my "30 by 30" challenge. I've been toying with and working on this idea for months now, so it's time to put it out there for accountability's sake! I'm hoping to update with new blogs as I make progress so I hope you'll join me on this journey! What's on your bucket list?!?

1. See someone new in concert.
2. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
3. Go on a picnic.
4. Make something creative using only the supplies I have on hand. Give as a gift.
5. Spend a day with Grammy and have patience with her.
6. Plan out a week of healthy meals with a new recipe each day.
7. Buy a stranger’s meal, groceries, gas, etc.
8. Give up soda for a week.
9. Go to a movie by myself.
10. Do something I really don't want to do.
11. Hand write a letter to 1 person each month.
12. Go back to school. Get a 4.0.
13. Send a compliment or thank you to someone at work at least once a week.
14. Surprise a friend.
15. Try out for the Biggest Loser and if I don’t make it on, don’t let that stop me from changing my life. Shed 30 pounds (to begin).
16. Go to a Farmer’s Market and make a meal entirely out of what I purchase there.
17. Re-connect with an old friend.
18. Read 1 book each month.
19. Volunteer my time for a charity.
20. Visit Sharon’s grave.
21. Forgive someone. Apologize if I was in the wrong.
22. Make monthly donations to Goodwill in an effort to downsize.
23. Have lunch with 10 new people.
24. Try a one week cleanse.
25. Find a new church.
26. Get my teeth whitened.
27. Go on a date with someone new. Ask him out if I’m feeling brave!
28. Host a tasting party.
29. Get a massage and facial.
30. Don’t run from love or friendship.

Here I go again...

No I don't know where I'm going,
But I know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again
Here I go again

Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Walking down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

'An here I go again on my own
Walking down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

But here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again

Here I go.

Oh what a night!

Oh, what a night, late September back in '63 (plus a few years)
What a very special time for me
As I remember what a night!

Ah yes, these lyrics sum up my weekend. How much we remember might be questionable at best, but there is no doubt that this weekend was ama-za-zing! To sum it up, Friday night E and I rocked out to Sugarland and they were simply incredible. I haven't been that amped during a show in ages!!! And for our first time sitting together, E and I had a blast and I hope to do it again soon! The Safe House bar followed by late night trip to IHOCS (International House of Chicken Strips), little sleep, and lots of laughs!

Saturday brought an adventure to Miller Park and a few firsts....first tailgates, first ballgames, first time having peanuts dumped on someone's head. Our gracious tailgate hostesses with the mostest (Evan, Jenny, and Michelle) did an incredible job! We braved our way through the cemetary, complete with guilt trips for E, and partied with the masses before one of the few Brewer home games left. The afternoon was hysterical and the fun spilled into the game as well. We saw hot guys, fist fights, a random guy tackled on the field, a new record for Prince, a food fight involving peanuts and nachos, fireworks, and more! Most of the time I had to remind myself that there was actually a game on since I was playing TMZ again with Michelle and Lisa's cameras. Yep, nearly 300 photos later, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that EVERY single moment was documented. After the game we closed out the parking lot and headed back to my place. My stomach hurts from laughing so much, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Thank you, friends, for one of the best weekends yet! Can't wait for the Midwest Mafia reunion next month! Love you all!!!

Surreal.

Sometimes I step on that scale and think "no way." When I heard my 12 week total today, it seemed so surreal. Yes I know that I'm losing weight. I'm fully aware that I've changed my eating and exercising habits. Sure my clothes are fitting better and I'm buying smaller sizes. But 26 pounds? Seriously!?!

Wow. I'm still not convinced that it's all sunk in yet. And yet week after week I keep losing and that total keeps growing. To think that I'm a third of the way to a weight I'd be happy with, a quarter of the way to what I'd really eventually like to lose, it all just blows my mind. I'm doing it for real this time.

No more excuses. No more empty promises of tomorrow. Here and now. One meal at a time. Today. Forever. It's always going to be a battle, but I can walk away victorious this time. I know I can do it. I have to. I want to. I am.

In celebrating such a righteous victory, I was inspired to take part in the Lose for Good campaign that Weight Watchers is sponsoring. They will donate up to a million dollars to food shelters, pantries, etc. for every pound that WW members lose between now and October 17th. They also encourage people to donate to local food pantries or programs, so I have decided this:

For every pound I have lost by October 17th, I will donate a pound of food to the Hunger Task Force here in Milwaukee. As it stands, they will receive at least 26 pounds of food, and that number is only bound to increase!

My goal: donate 40 pounds of food at the end of this challenge!

You can take part in this challenge too, and it would be a great honor if you would do so with me! Either set a goal for yourself or make the promise to donate some food to your local shelter on my behalf. It doesn't have to be 40 pounds, but whatever you can spare. I'd be honored if you would help me give back. For all the support that I've received, it's time to give some of that back to people who need it. Ponder this: over 900 MILLION people go hungry every year, yet over 1.5 BILLION people are obese. Let's work to correct that imbalance...together!!!

We Came. We Saw. We Conquered. And scared a whole hell of a lot of people in the process.

Thank you DeMo.

Beware! Coming to a Des Moines near you...

Be afraid, be very afraid...

Life these days...

...has been crazy busy!
...has been crazy fun!
...involves an almost 20 pound weight loss in 9 weeks!
...is n0t slowing down anytime soon, except for last night!
...brings new foods and new friends into my life!
...brings a little KC action, yeah baby!
...has been sad and happy, all at once!
...has stirred up old feelings I thought were gone...yet again!
...has envoked wonderful new feelings and hope for the future, our future!
...involves planning for Oktoberfest! Fest with the Best baby!
...hopefully brings a drama free, highlight of the summer, kick butt weekend!
...is good!

How about yours?

This woman...

...is ama-za-zing.

...inspires me.

...has really become a great friend over the past few years.

...is my partner in crime.

...has morals and won't compromise them.

...looks DAMN good already...lookout skinny bitches everywhere!

...shows me what I want in life.

...exemplifies terrific as both a wife and mother.

...loves to laugh with and at me!

...doesn't judge.

...puts up with my off key singing!

...makes living here a little more bearable.

...will put on a red wig and isn't afraid to get goofy with me!

...radiates with love, compassion, and honesty.

...is a confidant.

...is a blessing.

...is one of my best friends.

...is going to kill me for using this picture! ;)

So that's where my willpower was hiding...

All these years, I've convinced myself that I had no willpower. I was drawn to food and thoroughly enjoyed every last morsel. And that's why I was overweight. It had nothing to do with the fact that I rarely exercised, little to do with the fact that I ate lots of crap, little to do with the fact that I had no self-control and was utterly indulgent. Nope, I simply liked food. As I struggled to squeeze myself into jeans that were tighter and tighter every year, I rationalized that the other genes were to blame. Big boned. Thick.

I'm here to tell you that the new me thinks that's crap.

After 7 weeks on WW, I have come to this realization: I've found the willpower I'd convinced myself I didn't have. It's been there all along too, I was just too blinded to see the truth. For years and years, I accepted the fact that I was big, and slowly but surely I just got bigger. I never believed that I could ever change that fact, nor did I have the desire or energy to do so. I was seemingly ok with this fact. But not too long ago, something changed. I was inspired. I found a challenge and latched on. I can't put my finger on exactly what initiated this desire to change, but it came from a very real and honest place. I knew I had to do this for me, not for anyone else. Because truth is I'm worth it. So little by little, I began to revamp my life. My life doesn't center around food anymore. I'm not eating something unhealthy simply because it's convenient. My diet is balanced and I discovered that I do, in fact, have willpower! Who knew? Best of all, I'm doing it the right way. I may be losing a little quicker than they recommend, but after 7 weeks I've kept it off and continued to lose. Now I know this is going to be a lifelong battle, but I think I can handle it. Scratch that, I know I can handle it. And I'm excited. Finally.

With this excitement and challenge comes fear. Fear lurks in the shadows of my bathroom scale. It hides under trays in the cafeteria at work. It sits shotgun during a trip in the car as I pass by hundreds of tempting options. I fear that I won't be able to keep it off. I hope for this to be a long term solution, not just a temporary jubilation. I fear that the other shoe is going to drop. I fear that I've done damage to my body that I'll never be able to fix. But I've also learned that I can't focus on those fears or I'll never succeed. As a friend told me tonight, don't focus on the past or you'll never get anywhere in the future. I regret that I didn't do this sooner, but thank God I've done it at all. Because as long as I take a new breath each day, I have a fresh start, a chance to make it happen. So each day I face this challenge head on and I am conquering, one victory at a time. Five pounds, gone. Ten pounds, see ya later. 5% of my weight, vanished. 15 pounds, where'd you go? I am proud to say that after 7 weeks, I've lost 16.4 pounds and it feels good! Better yet, it feels great! I have a long way to go, but knowing that I am almost halfway to my first goal of 35 pounds and have done so ahead of schedule, I can't help but feel proud of what I've accomplished. And although I've been slow to truly recognize and acknowledge my accomplishment, I am proud of myself. And what could be better than that?

Eh

Eh, I'm feeling kind of blah right now. I don't really have much to say, but figured I'd blog quick before bed. Boy is it calling my name! Quick recap of my life lately: uber busy, late nights, early mornings, too much driving, healthy eating, exercise, little sleep, and a 13 pound weight loss in 6 weeks. Wednesday's weigh in could prove to be the next big achievement. Admit it was really nice to get some compliments this weekend about how noticeable the weight loss is already. I truthfully wasn't expecting it for many more weeks, so that's just added motivation to keep going. I have the heatly eating down for the most part, but I still have to step up the exercise. I am just not one of those people who finds any joy or exhiliration or endorphines in exercising. I dread it and do not feel like a million bucks afterwards, but I'm hoping that will come in time. Until then, it's back to Core Camp tomorrow and a sore body this week. Spent Saturday at Urgent Care with Grammy. She's fine. Sure she's going to outlive us all. Disappointed that my neighbors were fairly rude and standoffish. Home is calling my name again these next two weekends...SharonFest 2009 must be planned after all. Emotional rollercoaster with a couple people in my life. Trying to figure out where to go from here, if anywhere. I can't help but love him. Feeling the strong desire to start a family. Looking foward to a summer/fall of roadtrips. Chopped my hair. Off to bed. Loving you all for who you are, just the way you are. You are my rocks. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Honest to blog.

Facebook rules the world

I've come to the conclusion that Facebook owns all. How else would I know that so-and-so just got married? Or that some one's son just took his first poop in the toilet. And I had no idea my world was incomplete without flair. This weekend took Facebook to a whole new extreme when I actually found out about a friend's death via Facebook. He died on Saturday and by Sunday night a memorial page had already been set up for him. Worst part was that Monday morning I had to call a friend - who, mind you, was much closer to our friend than I was - to give her the tragic news. That's right, through a random coincidence, I stumbled across the news of a friend's passing before many who were closer to him even knew. I'm not really sure how I feel about this new revolution. On one hand, it's exhilarating to see the new depths technology can take us. On the hand, we've become so overrun with technology that we've lost touch with reality. We are a Tweeting, status-updating, privacy-lacking, invasion-ridden people who would feel lost and disconnected without our mobile devices. When did we lose touch with reality? When did we forget how to pick up the phone to share good or bad news? Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely guilty of partaking in said social pitfalls, but I found myself pondering the significance of it all after this weekend. Where in the grief process falls social networking? Is it after denial and just before acceptance? At what point do you run to your mobile device to share your grief with the world, with people you've potentially never met? I never expected to realize what a major impact social networking now holds in our lives. It makes me yearn for the days of yesteryear, when a handwritten letter was sentimental. Now it's become obsolete. Why take the time to hand write when you can casually dictate your thoughts to a tiny device that sits behind your ear while cruising through the Starbucks drive thru on your way to a tweetup? Let's face it...Facebook rules the world.

In other news, my Wonderful Wednesday tribute this week goes out to my friends. There are far too many to list here, but some of the most significant people I know are my friends. K has always been my sounding board, the person I can talk to about absolutely anything. JP is one of my oldest friends and she and I have been through each other's ups and downs and come out stronger friends because of it all. She's a true friend, through and through. B was the first friend I made when I moved in high school and she is the major reason I had such a successful transition. L is my partner in crime and always supports me in my endeavors. J keeps things real and cracks me up...it's always a blast hanging with her! E tells it as it is and makes me look at things in a different light. Life is more adventurous with her around! N and K are road warriors and come up with the best inside jokes. They are my soul sistas...LYB! These are just a few of the wonderful people I've been blessed to encounter in my life. There are so many other people who bring a different fulfillment to various aspects of my life but I have only so much time and space to list them. Just know that you are all appreciated and loved!

And how did my weight loss go this week? Well, since you asked ;) I lost another 2.4 pounds this week...cha-ching! 11.4 pounds total in 5 weeks equals my second star. For the first time in my life, I am excited and energized and am holding myself accountable. Plus my pants don't fit anymore, so today was the first day that I felt a noticeable difference. I'm in it to win it, lol! Here are a few shots from last weekend...had a great time with the kids, but definitely needed the week to recover, haha! Love these guys!!! Well kids, enjoy the rest of your week and make the most of every day! Peace out girl scouts!!!

Ever wonder what a pony feels like shortly after being born?

You know that feeling where your legs just shake and you can barely wobble from one spot to the next? That was me on Tuesday after my first Core Camp session...like a pony shortly after birth. The class kicked my butt and on top of that, I decided to bike 3.5 miles. It was awesome. Until my calves cramped, my thighs were screaming at me, and my abs felt as if they'd burst. But, despite the pain, I am pleasantly surprised to say that I lost another 2.4 pounds, bringing my 4 week total to 9 pounds! Being a holiday weekend and all, this was a major accomplishment and I am surprisingly amped to get in shape! I'm a recognition, results person. I need to see the numbers, see the proof to really get into it. And having people who will hold me accountable is a huge plus. Besides, I'm competitive and want to be the first one in my group to hit my milestones! I was the first of the newbies to hit 5 pounds and I plan to be the first to pass 10 pounds next week! It's great to see people who have been doing the program for awhile succeed. One woman who started the last session has lost 40 pounds and another just hit 25. I'm hoping to join their ranks. Scratch that, I'm planning to join them. And I'm hoping to get to the point where my weight loss is noticeable, but I know I have a ways to go before that happens. 9 pounds is a big deal (as one of my co-workers proudly reminded me today), but I have a lot more weight to lose, so right now it is what it is. But for once in my life, I know that I can do this. It's time to shed the fat girl image and introduce a new me. I, for one, can't wait to meet her!

So since all I seem to talk about lately is weight loss, I will try to add some spice and variety into my postings from now on. So I'd like to introduce my first Wonderful Wednesday post. I've decided that every Wednesday after weigh in, I will write about someone or something wonderful in my life. I have an abundance of wonderful things and people, so there should be plenty of !


The first Wonderful Wednesday award goes to my mom. She is my best friend, my inspiration, my rock. She's learned how to encourage and support me in my endeavors and loves me despite my shortcomings. She's fun, incredibly intelligent, loving, and talented. If I can be half the person and mother she is, then I will feel like a success. She's sacrificed a lot for our family and I hope that she knows how much we appreciate her!

This summer is going to fly! I have potentially 1 free weekend between now and the end of August and I'm exhausted just thinking about it! Should be a fun summer though...I hope to post lots of pictures of my adventures! Here was one of my last favorite memories...the week Ky came out for the Twins Brewers series! Until the next time, peace out girl scouts!!!

Progress!

So this week I finally saw some progress again after a sluggish weigh in last week. Down another 1.6 pounds, bringing me closer to my first goal. I'm guessing that I'll hit that goal in the next 3 weeks, so we'll see what happens!

In the spirit of good numbers on the scale, I signed up for a Core Camp at work. Tuesdays at 5:25 PM I will be found in the gym at work. For $15, I figure it's a good thing to try for the next 12 weeks. I'm planning to be plenty sore but here goes nothing!

I'm soooo looking forward to going home on Thursday...on that note I need to pack, so I'm going to keep this brief. Hope you have a happy and safe Fourth of July!

Week 2 Results (a little late)

Well, Week 2 has come and gone and Week 3 is halfway in the bag! My results were disappointing as I only lost 1/2 pound, but I earned my first star for losing my first 5 pounds, so that was an achievement. I talked to my leader and realized that I was so obsessed with eating healthier that I was not hitting my Points each day, which ultimately worked against me. The Points system is designed to help my metabolism build, but by not eating or not getting the proper nutrients, I was doing more harm than good. Plus she said my body is just getting adjusted from the big loss the first week. So, this week I've gotten my eating habits more aligned with my Points and I've been walking a lot, so hopefully I'll see some more results!

In other news, my busy summer is just ramping up. I had my little guy Ethan this weekend, which was fun! He is just too cute and so smily!

Last week my good friend Boo Boo came up for the week and we hit not one, not two, but three Brewer games...HOT games at that (and I'm not talking about the action on the field)! Yes, that officially doubles the number of games I've EVER attended before that, haha! At least the Crew stole one game in the series. Can't say I'll be rushing back for another game anytime soon! Good news is that we mastered the route to the game....no way around the cemetary yet...

Had a nice time down at J's for her housewarming today, just wished we could have stayed longer, but we're planning another weekend there soon so we can hit up Ikea and Portillos! Lisa is always a good partner in crime and she has become a truly great friend.

Big event Tuesday night, but I can't reveal many of the details yet. Just know that it involves a major movie premiere and some celebrities. I am the paparazzi, so hopefully I'll have some pictures to share!

In case I don't post before I leave for home for the 4th of July, enjoy the holiday...and be careful with those fireworks! PS - if you're looking for a handy way to prevent burning yourself on those ever-popular sparklers, stick them in a can of Play Doh before lighting. Thanks Real Simple magazine!

Merge like a zipper people!

Hi, my name is JR and I am a road rageaholic. I have not yelled at someone since...well, since my drive over to this meeting. I cannot seem to go anywhere without encountering the most idiotic drivers. And it truly angers me. It seems that my car triggers my emotional rage, something I have never come to experience outside the confinement of my car. I am not sure what kind of power this space has over me, but it seems inevitable that I strap on a whole different attitude when the seat belt clicks. Turn that heater up to hot, just like my road rage. I am not afraid to yell at you for going too slow. I will get on your ass if you cut me off or try to stick your big ol boat where it does not belong. I have no problem raising my hands in disgust or hitting the wheel in frustration...but chances are you won't see the middle finger from me (unless I know you're out of sight, truly deserved it, and there's no one else around who might accidentally take offense and shoot me). You will, however, get the staredown as I blow by you, but only if I deem that you're being an idiot. And chances are if you're doing any of the above mentioned things, then you were driving like an idiot and deserve it.

I've simply had it with people on the road. I am so sick of the incessant stop and go that is the result of NOTHING at all! I couldn't imagine being in a bigger city than this and grappling with the daily traffic horrors. Just this week a man narrowly escaped the grip of death when a semi lost control and smashed the bed of his truck after some IDIOT slowed for seemingly no reason. Seriously, they caught it on tape. While most of the people around me were praising the Lord for the miracle that no one was injured (now I'm not heartless, I was undoubtedly relieved for everyone's safety), I was angrily cussing out the vehicle that appeared to be at the root of this accident...the dummy who stopped in the middle lane for no reason. Or if there was a reason for him to stop, he didn't bother going again in any sensible amount of time. Now I'm not saying the truck driver was not to blame...he is definitely at fault and should be punished...however I believe that this (and most of the interstate accidents) can be avoided if people would quit being idiots when driving...and merge like a zipper.

Yep, you heard me. My parents were in New Zealand a few years back and said there were signs on the road that instructed people to merge one at a time. One car already on the road, one entering, one on the road, and so on and so forth. Such an easy concept. They said traffic was not an issue there and attributed it to the intelligence of the drivers...and the zipper sign. Of course I've seen it a million times where the only lane that is backed up is the lane where drivers merge from the ramp. And it never fails that I'm in that lane because I need to exit soon, so it's not like I can even go around this mess. I swear only the dumbest drivers are out when I am heading to and from work. Today one genius decided to cut all the way across 4 lanes of traffic to make her exit. Not smart considering the space between my car and the next was not large enough until I hit the brakes. I just don't understand people when they drive! Do they suddenly lose all common sense? I mean I understand defensive driving and am constantly on my toes, but why do people stop for no reason or brake when they are 8 miles away from the next car? And what is with the 10-mile-per-hour-below-the-speed-limit nonsense that way too many people seem to adopt? And for those of you who like to drive slow in the left lane...MOVE! Didn't you learn in driver's ed that the left lane is for passing at higher speeds?!?! Oh, and for the jerk who decides to drive all the way up the merge lane when I so graciously provided you with an opening...I hope your tires suddenly go flat.

Seriously, where do these people come from!? Do they morph into brainless saps just as I morph into a rageaholic? I swear I am not this person anywhere else but in my car, and primarily when I am alone. And I actually am a good driver with no accidents or tickets to my name. I just happen to be set off by people on the road. In my ideal world, cars would be controlled by some great system where you could just punch in your destination and kick back and let the rest be automated. No more bad decisions. No more idiots. Just like the smooth flow of traffic signals, so too would traffic flow. For now I guess I'll just have to transfer my desire for control and automation to my Sims game. Sigh. So I guess I'll just have to deal with life on the road, one idiot at a time.

Success!

First week down, 4.6 pounds melted away! Yeah baby! I was more than excited to step on the scale for once. I knew I had done a decent job watching what I was eating last week and thought maybe 3 pounds, but never expected almost 5. I was the "biggest loser" in my group today and after my leader asked me to share my results this week, I got a big round of applause. Pretty sure I heard a few "wows." And it felt really good, not gonna lie.

I think this group meeting thing is good for me because I am competitive and though I'm not in competition with everyone directly, they still inspire me to do my best. It's like I am back in first grade again...when we contributed to the group conversation, we got a sticker for our bookmarks. Seemingly dumb, I know, but never underestimate the power of a little sticker! Next week I'm going for my first 5 pound sticker and then some! My first goal is losing 35 pounds in this 17 week session. 2 pounds a week seems attainable, although I know that I'll plateau at some point, which means that I'll just have to work harder when that time comes. It feels good to have a goal again, something to work towards and motivate me.

The first week I focused on the plan and Points. I got used to the idea that I can't gorge myself on whatever craving I'm having at the time. I focused on making better choices, eating better portions, and getting used to the changes. Now it's time to get moving. I went for a nice walk after work and hopefully can keep that up over the next few weeks. Eventually it'll be time to hit the gym, but that'll come with time.

Success feels good. I know it's not much yet, but it's hopefully the start of something great. And I can do this. I need to do this. I have to do this. Honest to blog.

Today I...

...got a massive paper cut and it bled like crazy. Ouch, that really hurt Charlie!
...went to the grocery store and spent $86 on healthy foods, yikes!
...had my debit card denied on said food order for whatever reason. Embarassed? Party of one! I think I forgot my pin number because I verified that there's plenty of money in there, so I don't know what's going on. Roll with that story for the sake of my pride people...
...got an email from the guy I am seeing. Yay. And from the guy who saw me this weekend. Eh.
...meant to make some phone calls but chose the Bachelorette and Here Come the Newlyweds. Sorry friends.
...started the countdown to the weekend...come on good weather!
...laughed at a one liner in the new TV series Netflix recommended and sent to me. They are so thoughtful! Too bad I can't date Netflix :(
...scratch that, I laughed at a couple of one liners in this show. Good stuff so far!
...realized how hectic my summer is going to be. Bring it on!
...had every intention of walking but got caught up in the grocery store debacle. At least I stayed under my Points!
...am planning to make a double effort on the exercise front tomorrow. Seriously!
...saw a major accident today. Not sure how everyone survived but am thankful they did!
...am hoping the rest of the week flies by...make it a good one!!! :)

What did you do today?

A whole new me...

It's time. Time for me to get myself in order...financially, physically, all around. So, I've made some changes which I hope will be successful. For a start, I joined Weight Watchers. We have a meeting right at work during the lunch hour, so there's no excuses for me anymore. It's a much needed lifestyle change that will hopefully teach me lessons I can apply to the rest of my life. In that spirit, here was one of my recent breakfast meals. I'm not normally a yogurt fan, but fat free vanilla yogurt has the sweetness that I crave and my texture issue was disguised by the low fat granola and fruit. It was very delicious and I think I might have to make it again sometime!

It's the little things that are tough. The bad habits I've gotten myself into over the past who-knows-how-many-years. Having the support helps and I am quite partial to the online tools. So here's hoping I can make the changes that are more than needed in my life! What one thing would you like to change in your life? Care to join me on our personal challenges? It's always easier when you have someone else walking right beside you! Here's to a new me and you!!!

Confessions from a fat girl...

So I feel a little, well, guilty for posting this after the last one because my last post was so meaningful and this one is just me venting, but I guess you get the good with the bad in life, so here goes. This fat girl joined Weight Watchers. Yay me. No need for cheers or congratulations, it's way overdue and I ask that you hold your praise until I actually lose some weight. We'll see how things go over the next 17 weeks, but I have eventual (potentially lofty) goals that will hopefully be accomplished after my more realistic ambitions are met. I'm sure I'll blog about my journey along the way, but today, I have one weight related topic on my mind that has bothered me for awhile now...

You know, I think I'm a pretty nice person. I think other people think that too. I try to do the right thing, have a good job, and am very loving and generous. I think I have a few decent things going for me. Yet recently something I've noticed over the past few years has begun to bother me...I'm never the object of a matchmaking. Now I know this sounds silly, but I really noticed it this weekend. Our good friends (in their 30s) took their kids, myself (27), a mutual friend (19), and my brother (25) out to ski (or watch in my case). Somehow the adults started talking about a guy friend of the couple's and how nice he is, what a good job he has, and how he's got a decent amount of money to boot. Instantly they talk about matching him up with the 19 year old, who lives out of the state and is in college. They then say that they'd never do that to her because of the age difference (Mr. Wonderful is 32) and say that they'll just have to keep looking for Mr. W. Ummm, hello? If Mr. Wonderful is just that, what about me over here? I'm much closer to his age and if age seemed to be the big deal breaker, then I might be a better match. For the first time, it hit me that this fat girl is always the last one chosen for dodge ball teams. Or matchmaking in this case.

In the past during holiday gatherings with my parents' friends, I'd hear someone talking about a nice nephew they have or a friend's son they know and how they'd love to set someone up with him. A few girls' names would be thrown out and then everyone would chat about how or why they would or would not be a good match. One year I started paying attention to who was being "offered up" to these seemingly good catches. Do you know what I discovered? Out of the families who took part in the gatherings, every other grown child was brought up as a "match". Guess who was never mentioned, not once? That's right, this fat girl over here. Not only was I never chosen, but the other girls were mentioned time and time again, even the ones who were not single. Sigh.

Now here's the thing...I'm not 100% sure that this has anything to do with my weight, but to me that seems to be the main difference. My parents' friends have thin, attractive daughters who are kind, funny, and intelligent, as is our friend from the boat this weekend. I'd like to think that I am up to par with them in the last 3 qualities (along with many others). So it seems to me that people just never think of the fat girl. And that's OK, I'm not on a mission to change the world. Nor am I writing this post to get pity or have an influx of matchmaking offers, rather my intention is this: don't judge a book by it's cover. You may preach that to your children or believe it to be true, but live it. Just once throw out the fat girl's name when she's around. Sometimes we all need a little injection of self esteem and there's nothing more flattering than for someone to say "You know what? I think you'd be a great match for so-and-so!" I truly could care less if you mean it or not because goodness knows none of these matches ever really come to fruition. However, the simple fact that it even crossed your mind is a personal victory and enough for me to relish for sometime. A part of me knows that this post is manifested from my own insecurities about my weight, but I am anxious to test this theory out when I actually lose some weight. I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to report that my theory was wrong and that it was all in my head, but until then, do me a favor and remember the fat girl every now and then. You'll never know what it means to her :)